The kindness of a stranger has so deeply impacted my life. In November, when I was on the verge of being homeless, a friend of a friend offered me his home in exchange for cooking and cleaning. We hit it off like gangbusters and are the best of friends. So much so, that we both decided independently yesterday that we are like an old married couple. We communicate well, we have fun together and there’s no sex involved! Funny as it is, it is a functional arrangement. The man pays all the bills and gets the benefits of a woman in the home who is a wife by nature. The physical aspects are simply not present, it’s the most mutually platonic relationship, which works quite well for us. It’s symbiotic. We decided we needed old people names, so he chose Esther, which I changed to Estelle, and I chose Harold for him. Now we share silly jokes about shuffleboard, bingo and bridge. Whose turn it is to pick up the prescriptions and when the grandchildren will be over to teach us how to send text messages.
It is a brutal reminder of what I didn’t have in my marriage. This friendship and inside joke are more fulfilling and I am appreciated more by someone I barely know. I have someone in my life I can call family. Someone who has promised to give me away if I ever got married again.
Now I’m reading a book called “From Heartbreak to Heart’s Desire: Developing a Healthy GPS (Guy Picking System)” by Dawn Maslar, MS the first part of the book describes many types of bad relationships, from the Bad Boy to the Savior, I had dealt with most of these flawed relationship scenarios. The one that stuck out right now is the Teflon Don Juan. This man is the master of frustration. He is described as coming on “burning hot, showering you with attention” but the moment he knows you really like him, he disappears. I think I met one of those types recently. Thank goodness I don’t live close and I can lick my wounds in peace. I’m too fragile to try to trust, so I need more time alone.
There are other obvious bad relationship models, but what the book is trying to tell you is that there is a broken part within you that needs to be healed, somewhere your heart has a hole. If you can fix it, you won’t pick the wrong guys anymore. Now to find it…. I think I might need to invest in some spelunking gear.